The Old Yeller Solution

As a preamble to today’s blog, I refer dear and regular readers to last month’s offering entitled The Bird Catcher. Subscribers to Head Lines will also, by now, recognise the attention I pay to messages presented via everyday objects I encounter in my daily existence. Some might call them omens. A hero of mine would have said:

I would like to think my innate desire to make connections from the mundane wells from something deep in my genes, percolating from the fractional amount of ancestral Native American blood that runs through my body. I frequently refer, in these moments (half in jest but with an undercurrent of seriousness) to ‘my people.’ Despite the bloodline being diluted down the generations, I view myself as a genetic throw-back to my family’s indigenous American roots. The spirituality of the Native Americans certainly applies to the aforementioned connections I make with objects I encounter during my daily routine.

Likewise I try to write from a perspective of honesty; perhaps more honesty than I display in the real world.

Armed with this context, I present today’s experience. Like last month’s blog, it takes provenance from the ornithological. As is my practice I present it honestly but will leave you, dear readers to form your own connections and conclusions.

This morning a parent brought an injured bird to my office. (I have mentioned before that our building is frequently mistaken for a medical centre but now it seems this extends to veterinary services). The parent, through some logic unknown to me, thought that I would know what to do with an injured bird that had obviously been attacked by a cat. It was suffering. My mind immediately created the synapse with the Birdcatcher incident. Once again, the Head Teacher is the natural authority on animal care.

All or none of the following may/may not be true. You will want to read the options and select which story you, dear readers, choose to believe. A bit like flicking between 24 hour news channels, if you will.

Option 1: The Care Bears Solution

I took the bird to the school’s nursery to show the 3 and 4 year olds. They displayed great curiosity and discussion bustled in the air as they tried to determine how best to help the bird. The teacher asked that the bird be removed as its distressed state was upsetting the children. I returned later to inform the children that the bird had been rushed via animal ambulance to the veterinary hospital and would be released back into the wild as soon as its recovery was complete.

Option 2: The Ostrich Solution

Senior teachers at the school met and used their combined 22 years of university education to come up with the recommendation: release it under the bushes behind the school car park. Therefore other birds will hear it, adopt it, and feed it until it returned to full strength.

Option 3: The Old Yeller Solution

I took pity on the bird and the likelihood it was in great pain. Therefore I carried it to a secluded corner of the school car park, pausing a moment to acknowledge the sanctity of its life and the ethical question that faced me.  I put the creature out of its misery with a stamp of my size 11 Doc Martens. (Remember dear readers equally at home on the football pitch, budget meeting or euthanizing small animals). I then returned to the office and informed senior staff that I had successfully carried out The Ostrich Solution. Afterwards I went to the Nursery to confirm The Care Bears Solution had been successful.

Sleep well dear readers, safe with thoughts of ostriches or Care Bears dancing in your heads to the sound of birdsong. 

Keep the Faith,

The Head